Days gone by, and yet the pain persisted for another year. Meanwhile, A-Level was a fleeting moment in a grand scheme of things. I can tell you one thing, it didn’t go well. Conclusion, I didn’t get the grades needed to get me to good universities in Singapore, not even close. I ended up applying for a community college in the US in order to give me another shot at getting to good university, and that I did! Phew!
I used to think how I hate those four years in Singapore. But I never stopped to think about those moments my friends were there for me. I forgot how fun some days were, days when I played b-ball for hours, days when I had fun conversation with my classmates, oh, and that amazing hostel race! I was blinded by my own plight. I could not resist but gave up numerous times. I fell to the darkest pit, and yet the sun shone through, letting me know there was hope still.
You can’t let one bad moment spoil a bunch of good ones
– Dale Earnhardt
There were many hard-fought battles after I concluded my years in Singapore. I was struggling to gain back my confidence, hoping to erase my bad memories. What I didn’t realize at first was my experience dealing with anxiety gave me a new perspective of life. It introduced me to psychology. I am fascinated by it, and have studied it ever since.
There is a common saying, experience is the best teacher. It indeed is. I learn to push myself outside my comfort zone, to go out and feel, to be grateful of little things. I learn to be more understanding of people who experience great deal of stress in social encounters. I learn to accept who I am. Most importantly, I learn to love myself. I accepted who I was and slowly regained my confidence back.
These few months have been exciting and novel. After coming back from San Francisco visiting my friends back from community college, I realize I should not dwell in unfortunate things that happened to me. I realize how important to be strong in perilous situations.
I had the most devastating breakup I ever experienced in my life a year ago or so, and I found it difficult to move on. Sometimes, too great of a love could pierce our heart once shattered, leaving a hole waiting to be mended. I told few of my closest friends about how I felt, and I mostly received heartwarming advices on how to move on. I am thankful of them for listening to me and giving me much needed support.
Now, writing these bits of my life stories has been a roller coaster to me. It is a letter of apology to my friends whom I distanced myself from, to my friends whom I had conflict with. It is a thank you card to my beautiful ex who gave me strength and helped me gain my confidence back, to all my friends who were once, and who still are in my life, for being you, and to my family who has always been awesome and understanding. Every time I look back at my past, it gives me a new perspective in life. Who I am is molded by who I was, and I wouldn’t change any of it. If there is one thing I learn the most from my journey in Singapore is that life is undoubtedly rough, but if you survive the ordeal, you come out a better person.